To Connect or Disconnect?

According to Dr. Emma Seppälä: “Social connection improves physical health and mental and emotional well-being.” Relationships are invaluable for every leader, and we all face a critical decision: Do I connect or disconnect?

When I was young, I was a master networker and connector. It was exhilarating. Every room brimmed with possibilities. Every conference felt like an opportunity to meet new people—people who might be “someone” and could help me succeed.

One of the first conferences I ever attended was a John Maxwell event. That was before he was Dr. John Maxwell. I was twenty years old, and I walked into the Cobo Hall conference center and looked around, realizing that my age group was not well represented at this event. But I was blown away by the leadership content, and I loved meeting other leaders. This was when my fire for connecting was at an all-time high.

At that conference, I met a leader named Bill. He was 45 (which I thought was old at the time, haha), and we immediately connected. He asked me questions, listened, and helped me dream about my future. Better yet, after the conference, he kept in touch. I received a handwritten thank-you card in the mail, and over the years, he’s been a constant source of encouragement.

Bill has added so much to my life, and that’s why I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Emma Seppälä that social connection improves your life.

Over time, I lost my desire to connect and started to disconnect—mostly because I hadn’t learned that we can’t be close to everyone and that not everyone belongs in our inner circle. In those early days, my connecting was so selfish. Yes, I loved meeting people and hearing their stories, but deep down, my drive to connect was fueled by personal ambition.

That was wrong, and it drained my desire to connect.

True connection is the opposite. It’s about giving back. It’s the foundation of great leadership. In our fast-paced, distracted world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of communicating at people instead of with them. Yet meaningful connection demands effort, intention, and a commitment to helping others succeed.

We all know a life of disconnection is easier. Many of us have been hurt, let down, or betrayed by our connections. But that can’t stop us from building authentic relationships. A healthy connector prioritizes trust, fosters genuine relationships, and makes others feel valued. The effort is worth it, and the impact is lasting. As Brené Brown beautifully states:

“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”

Living as a healthy connector is rewarding but comes with unique challenges. If you choose this path, understand that:

• You’ll reach out more often than others reach out to you.
• You’ll send more handwritten cards than you’ll ever receive.
• You’ll initiate connections with more people than will initiate with you.
• You’ll rearrange your schedule to meet with others who may not do the same for you.
• You’ll go out of your way to visit someone, even if they wouldn’t think to do the same for you.

And that’s OK. Because being a healthy connector means you care more about:

• Helping others succeed.
• Connecting people with other amazing leaders.
• Drawing out the genius in their stories.
• Being a resource to support them in any way you can.

In leadership, healthy connection is the glue that holds teams, clients, and communities together. It builds trust, fosters collaboration, and creates an environment where everyone feels seen and valued. While it’s not always easy, the rewards of intentional connection far outweigh the effort.

Let’s be real. It’s not easy to always be the one who reaches out, connects, cares, calls, or sends cards. Sometimes, it feels like you’re giving more than you receive. But trust me—it’s worth it.

I don’t have it all figured out yet. I’m still a work in progress. But I’m committed to the journey of becoming a healthy connector. What about you? What have you learned about connecting with people instead of at them?

Healthy connection starts with taking the initiative. Don’t wait for others to come to you—reach out first. Whether it’s a handwritten card, a thoughtful text, or scheduling a coffee meeting, your intentionality shows others that they matter.

Dedicate time each week to intentionally reach out to team members, colleagues, or clients. Use this time to check in, celebrate wins, or offer support. Tailor your communication to the individual. Share specific feedback, express gratitude, or ask how you can support their current goals.

Taking these steps will strengthen trust and foster collaboration. When you prioritize reaching out, you’ll not only build deeper relationships but also set the tone for a culture of connection within your team.

Here are three simple ways to start fostering healthier connections this week:

1. Choose three people to intentionally connect with this week. Make a list and reach out with a specific purpose in mind.
2. Send one handwritten card to a colleague or team member. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way.
3. Schedule a one-on-one meeting to listen and support someone’s goals. Use this time to ask questions and show genuine interest in their journey.

Being a healthy connector isn’t about keeping score or waiting for reciprocation. It’s about choosing to invest in others because you value relationships. When you prioritize connection, you create opportunities for:

• Stronger relationships that withstand challenges.
• Collaborative environments where ideas thrive.
• Deeper trust that leads to long-term success.

As leaders, our ability to connect with people directly impacts our influence. By showing others they matter, we create a ripple effect that inspires them to do the same.

What have you learned about connecting with people instead of at them? How do you intentionally foster relationships in your leadership? Share your insights in the comments or reach out to me directly. Let’s grow together as healthy connectors.

By embracing this mindset, you not only elevate your own leadership but also contribute to a culture where trust and collaboration can flourish. Connection is more than a strategy; it’s a commitment to see and value others. And that commitment can transform your leadership, your team, and your life.

By Jason Raitz - CEO, Speak with People  With over 25 years of experience, Jason has spoken from stages across the country, inspiring and motivating his audiences with stories, laughter, and practical tools to succeed. Book Jason for your next conference or workshop.