Why Speaking AT People is Totally Underrated

Let’s just get this out of the way: I’ve been rethinking this whole “Speak with People, Not at Them” thing.

I know, I know. I've been championing this message for years. But I think we may have gone too far. All this listening, smiling, showing empathy, not interrupting, and trying to communicate with clarity—where has it really gotten us?

We’ve created a monster. A monster that nods attentively, waits their turn to speak, and follows up with thoughtful questions. Ugh. Exhausting.

Honestly, it’s time for a bold new direction. A return to the roots of classic leadership communication. A renaissance of the most overlooked and misunderstood communication skill of our time:

Speaking AT people.

Yes, you read that right. Forget about mutual understanding. Forget about collaboration. Let’s take back the monologue. Let’s dominate conversations again. Let’s bring the chaos.

And look, if you're a people-pleaser or one of those “empathetic leaders” who wants to create safe spaces and make people feel heard—this might sting a little. But maybe, just maybe, it’s time to throw your soft skills into the wind like last year’s company values poster and embrace the cold, commanding call of pure, unfiltered, one-way communication.

Step One: Interrupt With Confidence

Silence may be golden, but it doesn’t pay the bills. If someone starts speaking and you’re pretty sure you know where they’re going (or just feel like you’ve got something way more important to say), jump in. Don’t wait. Don’t hesitate.

Interrupting is the ultimate power move. It says, “I’m not just involved in this conversation—I own it.” Bonus points if you do it with a big breath and slightly raised eyebrows, like “Ope! I got this one.” Even better if you start your interruption with, “Let me stop you right there…” Now that’s leadership.

Step Two: Talk Louder, Especially When You're Wrong

Nothing seals the deal like raising your voice when someone dares to disagree with you. The key here is not clarity, it’s volume.

Think of your words like a bulldozer. Don’t worry if your points make sense—just power through. Steamroll confusion with confidence. Be bold. Be brash. Be barely coherent.

And if someone tries to speak over you? Just increase volume incrementally until they either stop or start questioning their career choices. This is how empires are built.

Step Three: Use Buzzwords So Nobody Knows What You're Saying

Strategic alignment. Cross-functional bandwidth. Synergistic implementation matrix.

Do you even know what that means? Of course not. But that’s not the point.

The beauty of buzzwords is that they sound so impressive no one wants to admit they’re confused. Sprinkle them generously throughout your meetings. Ideally, stack three or four in a single sentence for maximum effect. Add some acronyms too, nothing screams authority like a good “We need to leverage our KPIs and streamline the ROI through our Q2 OKRs.”

Pro tip: If anyone asks for clarification, just nod slowly and say, “It’s kind of hard to explain… you had to be in that meeting.” Then mysteriously glance out the window.

Step Four: Deliver Feedback in the Most Public Way Possible

Why have a private, thoughtful, encouraging conversation when you can throw out unsolicited feedback in the middle of a team meeting?

The key here is maximum exposure. Ideally, you’ll want your critique to come right after someone shares something vulnerable or exciting. That way, it really lands. It’s like popping a balloon in a yoga class, memorable, disruptive, and slightly traumatic.

And remember to finish your mic-drop moment with: “Just trying to help you grow.” That makes it sound like you care, even if you totally don’t.

Step Five: Master the Non-Engagement Body Language

If you must be in a conversation with someone, make sure they know you’re mostly uninterested.

Start by avoiding eye contact. Look past them, at your phone, or into the existential void. Bonus points if you sigh audibly while checking your smartwatch.

Next, cross your arms tightly and lean back. This posture says, “I am completely closed off and silently judging your every word.” Power move.

And finally, if they talk for more than a few seconds, tilt your head and say, “Are you finished?” It’s assertive, it’s dismissive, it’s everything we’re going for here. Confidence meets condescension.

Just Kidding. April Fools. 😏

You didn’t really think we were serious… right?

You know better.

Because speaking AT people is a fast track to miscommunication, resentment, and a culture of confusion. It doesn’t build trust. It doesn’t foster clarity. It doesn’t lead anyone anywhere good.

You know what does?

Speaking WITH people.

Being fully present. Listening deeply. Choosing words that help, not harm. Asking questions that open hearts and minds. Communicating with clarity and kindness, even when it’s hard.

That’s the stuff of great leadership.

We laugh today, but it’s because we know the difference. We’ve seen what happens when people feel heard—and what happens when they don’t.

So let this silly little spoof be your reminder not to drift into old habits. Be the kind of communicator people want to follow. Be real. Be intentional. Be clear. Be kind.

Let’s Lead with Laughter… and Then with Purpose

Laughing at bad habits is fun. Replacing them with healthy ones? That’s leadership.

So go ahead and forward this to someone who might be in danger of buzzword overload. Or who needs a gentle nudge to uncross their arms in meetings. Then take a deep breath and recommit to communicating in a way that brings life, not confusion.

Because when you speak with people, not at them, you don’t lose authority—you gain influence. And that’s no joke.

By Jason Raitz - CEO, Speak with People  With over 25 years of experience, Jason has spoken from stages across the country, inspiring and motivating his audiences with stories, laughter, and practical tools to succeed. Book Jason for your next conference or workshop.