More Than Just Words

SPEAKING WITH PEOPLE IS MORE THAN JUST WORDS.

Pay close attention to everything. Notice what no one else notices. Then you’ll know what no one else knows, and that’s always useful. ~ Jeanne DuPrau

I’ve cherished every season of parenting, but my oldest child’s toddler years hold a special place in my heart. During that time, I was her world. She’d wait eagerly for me to come home from work, sometimes so excited that I’d feel her anticipation before I even reached the driveway. There’s nothing quite like that feeling – being wanted, welcomed, and loved without condition.

As I’d step onto the porch, she’d sprint into my arms and leap with all the joy her tiny heart could muster. Those toddler hugs – tight, warm, all-encompassing – are memories I wish I could bottle up and keep forever. She’d cling to me, her head resting on my shoulder, and whisper, “Daddy, I love you all myself.” To top it off, with her tiny pigtails and big eyes, she looked like Boo from Monsters, Inc., which only made the moment even more endearing.

Then came our nightly routine. I’d walk in, get a hug from my wife (our toddler still latched onto me), and then settle onto the couch for story time. One day, she handed me a little book called Who Loves Baby. It was a small, square book with only about 20 pages. It seemed simple – each page simply asked, “Who loves baby?” page after page.

At first, I was puzzled. Was that really all? But with my daughter nestled beside me, I kept reading, relishing the moment. We read every page, and by the end, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I’d shared a sweet moment with my daughter and completed a book, cover to cover, in one sitting.

But just as I was feeling pleased with myself, my wife took the book and grinned mischievously. “Jason Robert Raitz,” she said, using the full name call-out that always means business. She tapped the cover and turned to the first page, lifting a small flap. Each page had a hidden flap with illustrations and stories about who really loved “baby.” The book was filled with small scenes, with grandparents and parents who loved this baby, trips to the zoo, and tiny pandas waiting to be discovered.

In my excitement, I’d missed the entire story.

I was focused on finishing the book, on the satisfaction of completing something from start to end. But in doing so, I’d missed the deeper story – the part that actually mattered. I wasn’t fully present; I wasn’t tuned in to all the details my daughter was experiencing.

It’s easy to get caught up in this way, isn’t it? Not just as a parent, but as a leader, friend, spouse, and communicator.

Why Communication Is More Than the Words We Say

In our roles as leaders, it’s tempting to rush through conversations, interactions, and projects. We want to finish the “page,” hit the benchmarks, tick off the tasks. But when we hurry, we miss the details that create true connection and understanding. We miss opportunities to make others feel seen, heard, and valued.

Healthy, impactful communication requires presence – being fully engaged with those you’re speaking to, and being willing to notice and respond to what lies beneath the surface. This is especially important for leaders because communication isn’t just about relaying information; it’s about building trust, fostering engagement, and inspiring those around you.

What Leaders Miss When They Don’t Listen

When leaders rush through interactions, they often end up:

• Missing Context: Small details can reveal the full story. If I had paid closer attention to the book, I’d have discovered layers of love and adventure that made the story so much richer.
• Ignoring Non-Verbal Cues: Communication isn’t just about words. Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions are equally telling, especially in team settings.
• Overlooking Opportunities for Connection: Each conversation is a chance to understand, to connect, and to encourage. When we treat interactions as transactions, we lose these opportunities to build relationships.

The power of speaking with people, not at them, lies in slowing down, noticing the details, and being intentional about creating meaningful exchanges. Leaders who speak with others actively listen, ask questions, and create a two-way street that fosters openness and trust.

The Art of Speaking With People – Not Just To Them

So how do you start this journey toward better communication? It’s about cultivating habits that make you a more attentive and empathetic communicator. Here are a few transformative practices to try:

1. Be Fully Present in Conversations. Put aside distractions and focus entirely on the person you’re speaking with. Pay attention to their body language, listen for what’s said and unsaid, and respond thoughtfully.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions. Don’t just try to “complete the book.” Seek to understand what’s between the lines. Ask questions that invite people to share their perspectives, concerns, and ideas.
3. Listen to Understand, Not to Reply. Resist the urge to jump in with advice or conclusions. Simply listen, absorb, and consider what’s being communicated.
4. Seek Feedback on Your Communication. Effective communicators are humble enough to ask, “How could I have done this better?” and then take that feedback seriously.
5. Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues. Notice if someone seems disengaged or uncomfortable, and adjust your approach. Non-verbal cues can reveal as much – or more – than words alone.

Why Slowing Down Can Transform Your Leadership

For leaders, there’s a unique power in choosing to slow down and be present. This choice not only enhances your relationships but also fosters a work environment where team members feel valued, respected, and motivated to bring their best. When leaders communicate with patience and intentionality, they build trust and create teams that are more resilient, collaborative, and effective.

Much like I did with that book, it’s easy to rush toward the end goal, focusing only on completion. But the richest moments are often hidden in the details.

Are You Ready for That Transformation?

Imagine if every interaction you had as a leader could become an opportunity for connection and growth. If each conversation could leave those you lead feeling understood and empowered. That’s the power of speaking with people, not at them.

Becoming a great communicator is a lifelong journey, and each step forward is a chance to deepen your impact and influence. So, as you continue on this path, remember to slow down, pay attention, and seek to truly understand. Don’t miss the hidden flaps in your own “books” – the people you lead and interact with daily.

Are you ready to transform your communication? To become the kind of leader who doesn’t just talk but truly connects and inspires? When leaders make the shift to intentional, present, and empathic communication, the impact is exponential – on your team, your organization, and yourself.

If so, let’s get started. The rewards will be well worth the journey.

By Jason Raitz - CEO, Speak with People 

With over 25 years of experience, Jason has spoken from stages across the country, inspiring and motivating his audiences with stories, laughter, and practical tools to succeed. Book Jason for your next conference or workshop.